Dealing with the Northern Winter: Some Things I Do and Products I Use

(A view from my front window this month.)

I live in a small town near Madison, Wisconsin. Intellectually, I know that it seems cold to people in the south when it's only, say, 50 degrees Fahrenheit outside. However, what I'm dealing with today is, without considering windchill, 4 degrees Fahrenheit. FOUR. And that, reader, is not actually the coldest it gets around here. 

We didn't much of a gradual progression this winter. It went from being more normally cold, in autumn (like in the 30s and even 40s) ,straight to frigid right after the winter solstice. I typically like winter better than summer. If you're cold you can put layers on, but if you're hot, you can only spend so much time submerged in a tub of ice before your life starts to fall apart. However, even I, the winter-preferring freak, can begin to struggle when it's this cold, and so very, very, constantly dry and electrosparky. In the summer, my skin is so oily that I develop sensory issues about my own face, but in the winter that completely reverses itself and I'm so dry that I lose the ability to move my mouth or blink.

Hyperbole? I don't even know that word.

Whatever! Here's a tiny list of the products that help me feel more comfortable. I'm not affiliated to any of them. Maybe you'll find them helpful.

• For dry feet: Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Creme with Vitamin E
• Facial Moisturizer: Garnier SkinActive Ultra-Lift Wrinkle Reducer 2-in-1 Serum + Moisturizer (they give you your money's worth in the title length alone)
• Eye Area Moisturizer: Skyn Iceland Icelandic Relief Eye Cream
• Lip Balm: Fresh Sugar Lip Caramel Hydrating Balm 

The latter two are a bit pricey, but you get a lot and you only need to use a little at a time. The "lip caramel" truly looks and smells like caramel.

One product that does not live up to its hype, in my opinion, is the Jack Black Intense Therapy Lip Balm. I tried it after seeing a lot of good reviews, but it doesn't stay on as well as a basic Chapstick, I tried the most pleasant-sounding scent for my taste, Black Tea and Blackberry, and even when I diligently avoided eating the stuff I ended up with a weird taste in the back of my mouth from the scent. At least it wasn't expensive! But I can't recommend it.

So far, I haven't gotten to the point of needing hand or body moisturizer (and I honestly have no explanation for that), but I probably will get there. Please leave recommendations in the comments if you have them.

For my mental well-being in winter, I like to make sure I use a full-spectrum light for part of the day (it's good lighting for doing my makeup, it turns out), and I take extra vitamin D because we in the north cannot get enough vitamin D from sunlight between November and February. Not that we're supposed to be sunbathing the rest of the time, anyway. As always, if a medical expert tells you not to take it, then don't.

I also like to make sure I have green plants around. I grow low-maintenance, cat-safe spider plants in my house, and occasionally visit the not exactly nearby Olbrich Botanical Garden's tropical conservatory. Once or twice each winter, I find it very worthwhile to take the 40-minute drive to a place where I can hang up my coat and enter a warm, humid environment of tropical plants and flowers where there's a waterfall, koi swimming around in the pond, and birds to look at. 

And to avoid colds, I have zinc lozenges (Cold-Eeze brand; I found them at Walgreens). The instructions are to start taking them immediately after cold symptoms start. I also take one after I get home from going anywhere crowded (that's in addition to washing my hands frequently and trying not to touch my eyes or nose). The idea is that zinc fights cold germs, but it's better to have a lozenge or use a spray than to swallow zinc supplements, in order to keep the zinc in the location where you want it to rough up some viruses. It doesn't taste great, and you should eat something before you use it, because it can be unsettling to stomachs, but I think it's helpful. There's a lot of chitchat about this on that newfangled World Wide Web. (Remember when we used to call it "the web"? I rewatched an episode of Charmed last night while I was knitting, and that intrepid researcher Phoebe reminded me of olden days when she used that term.)

What are your winter tips and recommendations? 

How to Have a Good Year

(Here's Annabelle being a helper)

Sometimes, a day, month, week, or year is demonstrably bad. Plenty of objective evidence will back up your argument that it was simply and objectively a bad stretch of time full of bad events. SO MUCH is beyond a person's control. Anything you can't control is not your fault. This post is a list of ideas for the things you CAN control, because even if you can't fix everything it can often make you feel much better to improve something. I'll break my ideas down into a few categories. Please comment with your ideas, too.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: These are things to voluntarily try if you WANT to. Probably no one can do all of them. Maybe attempt one at a time, to see what works for you and what doesn't. If you find one you like, stick with that and then (if you WANT) try adding another. Perfectionism is a known way to ruin a year!

Oh, and for every single idea, mentally add the words "if possible" to the beginning. Don't do anything you can't or shouldn't do, just because I suggested it.

Physical Well-Being 

Your brain is just as much a part of your body as any other part, and it's where your thoughts and feelings come from. So I believe that a solid first step toward feeling emotionally good is to check in with what you're doing for the body you live in. Here are some things to try:

• Drink more water.
• Drink fewer sugary drinks (all the way down to zero, if possible).
• Drink fewer artificially sweetened drinks.
• Gradually reduce your caffeine intake to see if that reduces your anxiety level.
• Try drinking tea (especially green tea) instead of coffee sometimes. It has less caffeine per cup, more health benefits, and can reduce your anxiety level if you drink it regularly... if I'm understanding my pop science articles correctly.
• Reduce the amount of alcoholic drinks you have at a time, and/or the number of days you drink (I'm well-known to not be against drinking alcohol, but I do believe that there's such a thing as "too much.")
• Add more servings of vegetables, fruits, nuts, and beans to your diet (obviously nothing to which you are allergic or that you've been advised not to eat by a qualified medical person who knows your situation). Even one more serving a day of nutritious food can make a big difference in the way you feel.
• Take vitamins that are appropriate for you. That shouldn't replace good nutrition from healthy food, but it can fill in what's missing. Make sure you're not taking too much of any supplement, though, because that can cause problems.
• Stand up and walk around for a couple of minutes after every hour of sitting.
• Add more outdoor walks to each week.
• Add more cardio workouts to your life, ideally on some sort of manageable, regular basis.
• Take opportunities to stretch your muscles as often as you can.
• Do some kind of regular practice to build your muscular strength.
• Sleep on a regular schedule, ideally for 7 to 8 hours each night. You'll probably get better quality sleep if you give yourself some no-screen wind-down time for an hour or two before bedtime, in low lighting.
• Get medical help as soon as possible for any kind of problem that's messing up your life, whether it's illness, injury, inexplicable pain, or distress. 

Emotional Well-Being

These are some ways to directly make your mind feel better. Some may work better than others for a particular person:

• Be kind to other people as often as you can.
• Don't set out to harm someone, even if you think they've harmed you. That will probably make you feel worse, eventually. It might lead to more negative interactions over time, too.
• Write down three things you're grateful for each day, at a time that fits your schedule. I've often seen suggestions to do this either first thing in the morning, or just before bed. Another spin on this idea is to write down three things that went well either that day or the day before. 
• Try to assume positive intent from other people, rather than hostile intent, at least before you know for sure. 
• Don't expect perfection from yourself or anyone else. You're trying. They're trying. Often people have to learn from mistakes. 
• Learn how to meditate, and try to fit in at least five minutes of meditation time each day.
• Ask for help when you're struggling. Someone else might think of ideas you can't, or they may have resources you don't.
• Spend time with friends and family in ways you enjoy. 
• If you need to meet more people, join groups! You can find them online through sites like Meetup.com or Facebook, or you can check out places like libraries and churches to see if there are groups you can join. My local small-town library has a library volunteer organization, a book club, and free weekly movie screenings, plus activities for children. Most places will have some way to connect with like-minded people.
• Avoid spending time with people who are draining or who cause you pain, if at all possible. Sometimes there are people you have to see at work, but maybe you can change something about that to make it easier. But in other situations, think about whether you REALLY have to spend time with someone, or you just believe that you SHOULD. Maybe you shouldn't, for your own well-being.
• Learn something new.
• Drop something that's a consistent waste of time.
• Make something, whether it's a craft, a practical do-it-yourself project, a photo you can hang on your wall, or some cookies. 
• Do or finish one project that's been on your mind.
• Write in a private journal on a regular basis, and keep it where no one else will see it, so you can clarify your thoughts and express your feelings in a safe way. (If you believe someone's going to search through your stuff and find it, make whatever adjustments you need to free yourself from that feeling. Are you in a toxic relationship? Do you need to set better boundaries? Are you being paranoid? Any of these things might mean you need help from someone you trust).
• Work on improving your financial situation, so that you can have more control over your life.
• Get involved with helping others in a way that's meaningful to you. It could be volunteering, donating money or your possessions, writing blog posts to give advice, boosting signals for worthy causes, or anything else that you believe is helpful to people.
• Make changes. If something about your life is really bothering you, seek out information and advice on how to change it (from friends, books, the internet), and then make a plan with manageable goals and steps to do.
• Try to see the positive side of any situation, even if it's not completely ideal. "When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars." (I don't know who originally wrote that, but I saw it quoted recently and I've taken it as my motto.)

Well, this became longer than I had expected it would! I guess I've absorbed a few ideas in 46 years of life. But I'm sure I don't know everything, and probably haven't remembered to write down everything I do know, so I hope you'll add your thoughts in the comment section! Just remember that we can't all do all of these things all the time (I certainly don't), and that even picking one thing to try for a while might really give you a boost. Happy New Year!

Here's What You Get for 2017

(It's me, age 46!)

Well, People of Earth, here's a little summary of what I can remember of what I did this year (because as you may or may not have noticed, I did not blog. Except for today).

Let's just get this out of the way: I spent the entire year being mad about political things in the United States, because I'm a proud liberal and I like diversity, equal rights for everyone, taking good care of the environment, and sharing our resources to lift up people who don't have enough. I'm not seeing those things getting enough support. This entire paragraph has been the most understated expression of my feelings I have ever achieved. 

Big things I did this year:

• Attended the event formerly known as Mo*Con, which will again, in 2018, be called Mo*Con.
• Repainted the entire exterior of a playhouse/shed in my back yard, which was a bigger project than I thought it would be! Several hours a day for over a week (the priming and multiple colors added to the time, but it looks fantastic).
• Co-wrote a short story with Maurice Broaddus, which will be included in the Do Not Go Quietly! anthology in 2018. Click the link to see the impressive list of authors involved!
• Traveled to southern Illinois to watch the total solar eclipse, WHICH WAS AWESOME.
• Participated in Inktober for the month of October, creating one ink drawing each day for the entire month. You can see all 31 of my drawings in my Instagram gallery, but one of my favorites was Wednesday Addams:

I've also read 32 books this year! Some of my favorites:

• Borne: A Novel, by Jeff VanderMeer (I also went on a short road trip to see him read from this book, and that was well worth my time. He is a great reader. Also, his outstanding editor wife Ann VanderMeer interviewed him afterward, and it was hilarious).
• Provenance, by Ann Leckie.
• Station Eleven, by Emily St. John Mandel.
• And a set of books by Leigh Bardugo: Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom.

And all through this year, that kitten I got in November of 2016 (Annabelle) has been tremendously entertaining, not to mention increasingly LARGE. From a tiny, wee iddle thing, she has turned into the biggest cat I've ever had. Tall, long, solid, muscular, and around 11 pounds the last time I weighed her. As far as I can tell, she is simply a basic American Shorthair cat, but she has personality plus and she caught her first mouse when she was about four months old. I don't get mice in here often, but when one shows up, it is nice to have a team of cats to get it under control while I go and fetch the Mouse Removal Kit, which is a piece of cardboard and an old plastic storage container that is now dedicated to this one purpose only. I put the container over the mouse, slide the cardboard under, and take the mouse across the street to a conveniently-situated field. I assume none I've taken that far have ever returned since there's always been several months in between mouse invasions, so it seems the field is far enough away.

Plus, you know, day-to-day life stuff and knitting a few blankets on a really clever, twisty-shaped knitting loom I found in 2016. It gives me an easy way to make full-bed-sized blankets while watching my way through all the Netflix shows I can take in, which turns out to be a LOT. I just finished Season 2 of Travelers. It's a good science fiction show that I don't hear much about from other people, so check it out if you're interested in time travel!

Even with all this stuff I've listed above, I feel like I've forgotten way too much of how I spent my time this year. That leads me to my plan to briefly jot down what I do each day next year, and to summarize each month for myself, to keep track of it all better. I have a system in mind that I don't want to describe right away; I just want to use it for a while and see how it works out. Taking the premise of "underpromise and overdeliver" to the next level, I guess, wherein I promise nothing and you're happy to get anything. Right?! MAKES SENSE, YES???

Kitten-Bloggin

Annabelle has decided to step up and help with my knitting, just like her big sisters.

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Today's post is tiny like a kitten, because my time is being gobbled, almost literally. I've been cooking meals for my sons for most of the day, or that's how it FEELS. That's because this morning the windchill around here was in the negative double digits, and although the school district made the astonishing choice to keep the schools open, I decided to keep the boys home. They haven't missed much school this year. I have no regrets, but neither do I have much spare time for blogging. So enjoy the kitten picture and the rest of your day!

Chosen Names Can Get Weird

Given the known and absolutely true fact that the name "Nayad" has been at the top of the baby-naming charts for several decades, it may come as a surprise to you that it's not actually the name I was given by my parents when I was born. Take a minute to sit with your shock and surprise. It's okay. It will all be okay.

They gave me a name inspired by their earnest hopes for me. They meant well. They picked something that they thought would go well with a title, in case I wanted to be a doctor or a reverend or a president. I appreciate that. It's a classic name that was pretty popular at the time, to the point that there were two of us with it in our kindergarten class and the teacher used our last initials to differentiate us. I was "Timeless Classic M" and the other kidlet was "Timeless Classic F."

It's just that the name didn't turn out to match ME. To my mind, it's a boring name. I'm not going to mention what it actually is in this post, for lots of reasons, one of which is that I'm sure there are plenty of completely fascinating, non-boring people with the same name. In fact, I can even think of an example.

I don't want to be a jerk about it, but I chose to go by a different name because it suits me better. That should be enough, but if you need a more practical justification for it, last I checked there was also a professional writer out there with my old name, so now I'm all differentiated. I'm way more searchable this way. And I like the way my "new" (since the 1990s) name sounds, looks, and what it represents. The transition from one name to another came on organically, over time, mostly because it started as my screen name in the early days of widespread internet usage. I never sat down with each person I knew and explained that I'm going by this name now, and I'd prefer that they used it. Some people just took to calling me Nayad and that was that. Others, people I like very much and don't want to upset, were posting on my Facebook page with my old name as of yesterday. The page says "Nayad A. Monroe." You don't even have to include my name when you post or comment there. It's a given that you're talking to me. So it seems kind of pointed for someone to add my old name when posting on that page, as if they're talking to the "real" me they knew before I started parading around with this inauthentic new name.

But which name is more authentic? The one my parents picked before they even knew me, or the one I chose as an adult?

Maybe people aren't trying to comment on my name's authenticity. Maybe they just haven't thought about it. There's something in me that holds me back from contacting each person, each time, to explain my preference, and probably that's a conflict-avoidance thing that I should work on, and how can I expect everyone to just know what I want? It's not fair to expect that. On the other hand, after I started to present myself as Nayad, the vast majority of people I knew just got it and went with it.

This is why I go with whatever name and pronouns my friends want to use, the minute I'm aware they want to use them, even if it's hard at first. I really appreciate being called by the right name. I want to give that to anyone else who needs it.

Happy My Birthday to You! My Character Profile

If you don't want to know anything about me, Do Not Read This Post.

I haven't been writing about writing much, lately, but I still write fiction. I just don't always want to write ABOUT writing fiction. But one of the things that can be helpful with writing fiction, sometimes, is to create Character Profiles, so for my birthday post I'm going to offer up a character profile of myself. I'll try to be as objective as possible? We'll see how that goes.

I'm using the format from How to Create a Character Profile. There are bunches of different formats to be found online, but this one was at the top when I did my search.

*

Basic Statistics

Name: Nayad Monroe
Age: 45 as of today!
Nationality: American, with ancestry mostly from Scotland and Scandinavia
Socioeconomic Level as a child: Never went hungry, always had utilities on, wore lots of hand-me-downs, had pets, took ballet and piano classes, family had one car. We lived in, but did not own, houses. My impression was that money was tight, and credit was used, but boy did we ever not talk about the details of money.
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: More comfortable than my childhood. I own my house (no mortgage), and I'm not in debt.
Hometown: I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana, and I lived in a lot of other places, so it's hard for me to pinpoint a "hometown." Early childhood was in Indiana, middle childhood was in Ontario, teen years were in Illinois--the southwest suburbs of Chicago.
Current Residence: Near Madison, Wisconsin
Occupation: Writer
Talents/Skills: writing, drawing, painting, singing
Birth order: First!
Siblings (describe relationship): I have one brother who is six years younger than me, and he is great. We get along very well.
Spouse (describe relationship): Amicably separated.
Children (describe relationship): I have three sons, who are currently 15, 13, and 10. They're all very smart, geeky guys who like video games and science fiction, and aside from some typical sibling bickering and homework avoidance they hardly give me any trouble. 10/10, definitely worth spending 27 months of my life to create.
Grandparents (describe relationship): None of them are alive.
Grandchildren (describe relationship): I don't have any.
Significant Others (describe relationship): One boyfriend, who is lovely! And humble. He's going to hate reading this. :)
Relationship skills: This is a hard one to be objective about, so I'm going to skip it.


Physical Characteristics: 

Height: 5'4"
Weight: 148 lbs.
Race: White
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Started off medium brown, but is being invaded by increasing hordes of silver strands, but I sometimes dye it unnatural colors like purple or burgundy.
Glasses or contact lenses? I wear glasses at home, and contacts when I go out.
Skin color: Pinky-beigey
Shape of Face: Squarish oval
Distinguishing features: Large eyes, full lips, two tattoos
How does he/she dress? Goth-tinted casual, most of the time, with some jewel tones thrown in
Mannerisms: Lamentable knuckle-cracking
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) No smoking, but I do like drinks. Not daily, though.
Health: Pretty good! (knocks all the wood everywhere)
Hobbies: Currently, knitting a lot (as I mentioned yesterday), but also making digital images with my phone, and I've just started occasionally messing around with making electronic songs out of loops using Studio One Prime (which is free, btw!)
Favorite Sayings: "Awesome!" delivered sometimes in earnest, sometimes with sarcasm.
Speech patterns: Child-of-the-80s use of the word "like" all over the place within my sentences
Disabilities: None
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Casual-ish, with occasional bouts of playing dress-up
Greatest flaw: Distractability
Best quality: Caring about other people's feelings


Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes 

Educational Background: Some college
Intelligence Level: High
Any Mental Illnesses? No, but I took antidepressants for about 6 months in 2007/8.
Learning Experiences: Everything, every day.
Character's short-term goals in life: Write the first draft of a whole novel by the end of May, 2017
Character's long-term goals in life: Stay alive and well and mentally functional until at least the age of 100, and keep on learning new things for the whole time
How does Character see himself/herself? Amusing underachiever, never bored, good at learning how to do new things, bad at perseverance, consistently adequate mom with moments of being a really good mom.
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Well, people always seem happy to see me when I show up at a convention, and I've been told that I'm funny and smart, and I think (I really hope) I'm regarded as trustworthy and a good listener. Um, maybe now I'm also perceived as having low self-esteem. I don't know! I don't want this post to come across like a humble-brag, for fuck's sake.
How self-confident is the character? As we've seen in recent answers, a bit of a mix. But I don't get anxious about throwing myself into a room full of people and conversing with whoever I happen to meet. I feel like people usually like me.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? A combination, but with more emotion than logic.
What would most embarrass this character? Making a big mistake in front of lots of people I respect.


Emotional Characteristics


Strengths/Weaknesses: Strengths: independent, empathetic, supportive. Weaknesses: impatient, easily overwhelmed when making decisions
Introvert or Extrovert? Ambivert! I love spending time alone, but I also love going to conventions where I talk to people all weekend. I don't seek out company much when I'm at home because there's so much that I want to do that I enjoy doing by myself, but when I go out to be with people I thoroughly enjoy it and feel energized by it.
How does the character deal with anger? I try to stifle it AT FIRST, because I want to think my reactions through and then talk about the way I feel after I calm down and decide whether or not I'm being reasonable. But I also try to communicate about it after that.
With sadness? Sobbing it out, usually off by myself.
With conflict? I try to neither avoid it nor seek it out. I grew up in a very conflict-avoidant family, and I think we overdid the avoidance.
With change? I'm pretty comfortable with change, and I get bored if nothing changes.
With loss? See "sadness."
What does the character want out of life? Creativity, interesting friends, knowledge, mental challenges, love, art, music, a comfortable place to live (I have all of these things at this time)
What would the character like to change in his/her life?  I'd like to be more productive, and to participate in progressive politics in a more useful way, and to share more of what I make, do, and think with other people (thus the recent uptick in blogging)
What motivates this character? Boredom avoidance and the need to love, nurture, and create.
What frightens this character? Aggression, violence, cruelty, rejection, loss of loved ones, heights, cockroaches
What makes this character happy? Fun times with good conversationalists, humor, the moment when I finish writing a story and feel that it's right, reading a speculative novel or story with really satisfying weirdness in it, drawing a picture that turns out well, my loved ones being happy, spending time in a beautiful city with delicious food and sights, singing along with my favorite songs, listening to electronic music that makes me move with it, taking a walk in lovely weather (especially the first days when it's warming up in spring), holiday lights, and so many other things!
Is the character judgmental of others? Sometimes, but I try not to be
Is the character generous or stingy? I love being generous when I can.
Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite, except when it's impossible.


Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? No.
What are the character's spiritual beliefs? Secular Buddhism, pretty much. No reincarnation.
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Not huge, but there are some challenging aspects of being an atheist in a mostly-Christian country and extended family. I'm the inexplicable rebel who doesn't get it about religion, in my family, so that can get weird.

Serial Hobbyizing and Bingeing

...Binge-WATCHING, that is. As in TV shows.

Last year, in the fall, I learned how to knit hats on round knitting looms. I made many, many hats. During that time, I realized that just the knitting alone wasn't enough for me to feel entertained, so I started to binge-watch TV at a level that I'd previously never achieved. I watched all four seasons of House of Cards in a month or so, because when I do a new hobby, I for sure and completely do it. I have to contain "hobby time" to my evenings, because if I just went with my impulses I would simply hobby out 24/7 until the point of collapse. That's my idea of self-discipline. Finding a way to avoid killing myself by obsessively hobbying.

Also, when I'm done with a hobby, it's full-on OVER. I may be in the middle of a project. I simply stop. I'm sure this is related to overdoing it in the first place. Sometimes I'm done forever. Other times, I return to the activity later. That's been the way with knitting, this year. As the summer started to shut down, I found that I had many new knitting ideas. Bigger projects, using long knitting looms and an ingenious S-shaped afghan loom. People of the Internet, since the end of August of THIS YEAR, I have knitted:

• Three rugs
• Four hats
• And two blankets large enough to cover a full bed (one of which I just finished yesterday, and I'm actually psyched up to start another because I AM A FREAK.

...and mind you, this has taken place just during my evenings! 

As you might suspect, I've been watching a LOT of TV while all that knitting was going on. There are eleven seasons of Supernatural on Netflix. Watched 'em. I've also watched six seasons of Shameless, and I'm two-thirds of the way through Penny Dreadful. I almost want to be done with this round of knitting just to reclaim my hobby time for something else, like more reading than I've been doing, or, say, Creative Dog Grooming, because why NOT dive deep into making a dog look like the cast of The Muppets or a whimsical snail in a flower garden? Click through for pictures because I am not making this up. I am, however, making up the likelihood of me doing that hobby. I don't even have a dog, for one thing.

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Christmas Season

I love...

• Christmas trees.
• Festive outdoor lights.
• Festivity in general.
• Being generous to family and friends.
• Being generous to people I don't even know, through donations.
• Christmas music.
• Candy and baked goods.
• Classic Christmas TV specials.
• Saying "Happy Holidays!" to people because I want to wish them well but I don't know everyone's holiday affiliation and GUESS WHAT I'M AN ATHEIST so I'm practicing this whole "Joy to the World" thing in the secular mode, with an appreciation for the old pagan vibe of lighting things up in a dark time of year.

I hate...

• Obligatory gift-giving, especially in family cultures where this leads to passive-aggressive gift-giving (where it's easier to buy a present for someone you hate, due to family pressure, than to opt out, so you put a lot of thought into buying something acceptable that they won't like). I don't do this, but I find it upsetting that a lot of people get pressured to the point of doing it by toxic people who have emotional power over them.
• The horrifying bullshit of luxury jewelry ads that tell you that your love for someone can and should be measured by the amount you're willing to spend on a shiny adornment for them to wear around so that other people will know they've been showered with riches.
• Excessive consumerism in general. Do we need so much stuff? A constant churning of stuff in, stuff out, stuffing ourselves? Nope.

So I can get into this holiday, and enjoy it very much at times, but I always have ambivalent feelings about it because things get twisted and unpleasant when there's greed involved. I guess I'm going to lose all of my obscenely wealthy conspicuous consumer friends now... Oh, wait, I don't have any. :)

Speaking of Reading, as Surely We Always Are...

...I might as well post a list of books I particularly enjoyed reading this year, regardless of whether or not they were published this year. BECAUSE DECEMBER IS FOR LISTS, and you might find something here that you'd like to read or give as a gift. These are books to which I was moved to give five-star ratings (out of five, just so we're clear). According to my way of rating things, that means I would gladly read them again and I imagine I'll get even more out of them upon doing so.

None of these links have anything to do with me and I will not profit even a tiny bit if you click on them, unless there's some karmic system that operates on a different level from financial gain, in which case I'm pretty sure there's no law against it. ENJOY.

Non-fiction

• Zig Zag: The Surprising Path to Greater Creativity, by Robert Keith Sawyer - "A science-backed method to maximize creative potential in any sphere of life." 
• Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, by Elizabeth Gilbert - "Balancing between soulful spirituality and cheerful pragmatism, Gilbert encourages us to uncover the 'strange jewels' that are hidden within each of us."
• The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms, by Danielle LaPorte - "We have ambition backwards. Getting clear on how you want to feel in your life + work is more important than setting goals. It's the most potent form of clarity that you can have, and it's what leads to true fulfillment."

Fiction

• Medusa's Web, by Tim Powers - "...a phantasmagoric, thrilling, mind-bending tale of speculative fiction in which one man must uncover occult secrets of 1920s Hollywood to save his family."
• City of Stairs, by Robert Jackson Bennett (my second reading of this one) - Divine Cities #1. "Years ago, the city of Bulikov wielded the powers of the Gods to conquer the world. But after its divine protectors were mysteriously killed, the conqueror has become the conquered; the city's proud history has been erased and censored, progress has left it behind, and it is just another colonial outpost of the world's new geopolitical power. Into this musty, backward city steps Shara Thivani. Officially, the quiet woman is just another lowly diplomat sent by Bulikov's oppressors. Unofficially, Shara is one of her country's most accomplished spymasters — dispatched to investigate the brutal murder of a seemingly harmless historian. As Shara pursues the mystery through the ever-shifting physical and political geography of the city, she begins to suspect that the beings who once protected Bulikov may not be as dead as they seem — and that her own abilities might be touched by the divine as well."
• City of Blades, by Robert Jackson Bennett - Divine Cities #2. Just as outstanding as the first! I'm looking forward to #3 in 2017.
• The Library at Mount Char, by Scott Hawkins - The description of this book is too long to quote, and it also doesn't even begin to explain how freaking weird, dark, awesome, and amazing this book is. Probably because that would be impossible to explain. JUST READ IT.
• The Goblin Emperor, by Katherine Addison (my second reading) - "A vividly imagined fantasy of court intrigue and dark magics in a steampunk-inflected world, by a brilliant young talent. The youngest, half-goblin son of the Emperor has lived his entire life in exile, distant from the Imperial Court and the deadly intrigue that suffuses it. But when his father and three sons in line for the throne are killed in an "accident," he has no choice but to take his place as the only surviving rightful heir."
• Uprooted, by Naomi Novik - "Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life. Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood."
• The Severed Streets, by Paul Cornell - "Summer in London: a city in turmoil. The vicious murder of a well-known MP is like a match to tinder but Detective Inspector James Quill and his team know that it's not a run-of-the-mill homicide. Still coming to terms with their new-found second sight, they soon discover that what is invisible to others - the killer - is visible to them. Even if they have no idea who it is."
• The Necromancer's House, by Christopher Buehlman - "Andrew Ranulf Blankenship is a handsome, stylish nonconformist with wry wit, a classic Mustang, and a massive library. He is also a recovering alcoholic and a practicing warlock, able to speak with the dead through film. His house is a maze of sorcerous booby traps and escape tunnels, as yours might be if you were sitting on a treasury of Russian magic stolen from the Soviet Union thirty years ago. Andrew has long known that magic was a brutal game requiring blood sacrifice and a willingness to confront death, but his many years of peace and comfort have left him soft, more concerned with maintaining false youth than with seeing to his own defense. Now a monster straight from the pages of Russian folklore is coming for him, and frost and death are coming with her."

More Is Not Always Better, Unless You're Talking about Kittens

(My new kitten, Annabelle)

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Today's photo has nothing to do with today's topic. BUT LOOK AT THIS SWEET LITTLE FACE.

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I'm really here about the reading challenge I signed up for this year on Goodreads.com. I was possibly a little too ambitious. See, for my 2015 challenge, I said I would read 50 books in 2015 and I did. Just barely. 

Then I thought I should really PUSH MYSELF for 2016, so I signed myself up to read 60 books this year. As of today, December 7th, I'm at 52, and almost done with two more books, but even after those two are done I'll need to finish reading six books by the end of December 31st if I'm going to finish the challenge. I might do it. I might take a couple/few days to just read, and choose some short books so that I can finish them. I've already read more books than I did last year. However, I'm starting to feel that this challenge thing is not helping me, for the following reasons:

• I sometimes avoid choosing longer books, just to get done faster.
• I rush through reading books, just to get done faster.
• I force myself to finish books I don't really like, just to avoid losing the sunk cost of the time I've put into starting to read them.

...and for what? To say I've technically read a large-ish number of books, when I didn't get much out of them due to the rushing though? That's just dumb. The main benefit I get out of the reading challenge is that I end up with a convenient list of what I've read in a given year, in order. To get that benefit, I could sign up for a much smaller challenge--say, 12 books in a year, because I'd have to spend most of the year in a coma to avoid reading that many. So that's what I'm going to do. I'll probably end up reading more, but it will be at the pace I want, because I feel like it. 

Mixing Up the Spice of the Variety in the Planet-Sized Blender of Life

I'm here to say that there's room for everyone. In matters of opinion, my opinion doesn't negate yours (facts are quite different from opinions, for the record, but we can get into that another time). My way of life can't blot out your way of life. THINKING ABOUT different ways of life can't even make you change yours unless you want it to. Variety within a society is not a threat; it's a sign of freedom: the freedom to make a choice, try it out, think about the results, and then have the option to choose again.

People who don't look like you on the outside are remarkably similar to you on the inside.

Being comfortable with and interested in a diverse array of humans is something to be proud of.

I See You, Baby

Like this image? I made it! There's more where this came from on my Instagram.

Hey, guess what? I'm a Super-Recognizer. THAT'S RIGHT I HAVE A SUPERPOWER. Or that's what I'm going with, anyway...

Here's what happened. Last week I saw a link from Scientific American in my Twitter feed, to this not-really-flattering post: "Super-Recognizers Lurk Among Us: Some people are so good at recognizing faces that it's downright creepy". Naturally, I needed to go and discover any more clues I might find to help me calculate my potential "downright creepy factor," which is IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

I learned that "In 2009, psychological scientist Richard Russell and his colleagues first used the term super-recognizer to describe four participants in a study they conducted. According to the conclusions of the study, 'our findings demonstrate the existence of people with exceptionally good face recognition ability and show that the range of face recognition and face perception ability is wider than has been previously acknowledged.'"

The post linked to some online tests posted by researchers, and I took the "short teaser test" linked on that page. I did pretty well, but was a bit disappointed to get only 10 out of 14 on it. Then there was a request at the end to leave contact information, if I was interested in participating in more online research, but it said that they might take a while to contact me. So I left my email address, thinking I might hear from them someday. I had an email from them in my inbox the next morning, inviting me to take a series of their other tests. I went and took the heck out of those tests. After I was done, an hour later, I got some information about how I did. 

First, it said that "the 14-trial 'fun" test is not diagnostic of true face recognition ability- we have found that a few super-recognisers (as measured by follow up tests) score as low as 10 out of 14".

Then it showed the results of the four other tests. Three of those tested facial recognition, and one was about recognizing images of guitars. I did the worst on guitars, ending up below the top 50% of people tested, but I did the best on the Cambridge Face Memory Test, a long one where I scored 96% correct, putting me in the top 5% of those tested. 

This will have practically no impact on my life going forward, other than confirming that once I meet someone, I remember their face and where I met them. I already knew that. Combined with making a point of remembering names, I am slightly impressive at parties sometimes. I thought you might like to know. ;)

Why am I even writing this down? Well, I watched an interview of Seth Godin recently, and he made a convincing case for blogging every day. Between that and ideas I've gotten about communicating more, from Austin Kleon, this blog is about to get much more random. I'm going to SHARE MY THOUGHTS, y'all. 

Don't Call it a Crisis

Hey, I'm in the middle-aged years of my life.

And this summer I've been doing a thing.

One might examine the characteristics of this thing I've been doing, and consider the implications of my age being 44, and think this thing might plausibly be called a "midlife crisis." But I don't think that's a very kind or fair label to apply to the thing, so I'm going to call it my Midlife Thing.

It's happening because of good reasons. I've survived to the age of 44 and a half! I've achieved many of the standard life goals for which one can find readily-available advice, such as having the relationships and children that I've wanted, and a series of houses. I've taken some trips that are widely considered to be desirable, to Italy and England. I've learned decent chunks of a couple of different languages. I've even done some things that are a bit less usual, like selling my original paintings at art shows, and publishing some of my short stories and the two original anthologies that I've edited.

My Midlife Thing is not coming from dissatisfaction. It's coming from the feeling that I've crossed off many goals from my original list, and I'm looking at the goals that remain on the list to see if they're still goals that I want to do. And I have this other blank sheet here, and a pen, waiting for me to fill it in with my next set of goals, preferably next-level challenging ones that will feel invigorating.

The way I noticed the beginning of my Midlife Thing - which probably started brewing quite a while before I noticed it - is that I suddenly had this SUPER INTENSE NEED to decorate my bedroom IMMEDIATELY. Summer is a hard time for me to write, because of loud boy-children living life echoingly no farther away than the room adjacent to the room I am in at any given time, so I tend to do more artsy, projecty stuff in the summer. But this need to decorate basically pounced on me, dug in its teeth, and consumed my entire personality for a few weeks there. The photo above is one I took when it was not even as decorated as it is now. YEAH. I've got this "if a goth discovered boho" vibe going on in the room. And I love it.

I love it! But after I did that, I wondered why exactly I needed to do that decorating, that hard, that minute. My conclusion is that I was subconsciously trying to invite in some more creativity so that I could do something bigger than what I had been doing. I was bored and I didn't have any big goals to attack, so I needed to create the kind of bedroom a creative, big-goal-attacking person would have. I just don't usually have to launch my own subconscious at myself in order to figure out things like that.

Once I got my motivations sorted out, I started to spend a lot of time in my magnificent pageant of a bedroom, reading books that seemed relevant and writing many questions and answers. I also started to watch YouTube videos made by some inspiring individuals. I don't even know how I found Marie Forleo's channel, but I watched a lot of her videos, especially her interviews with other people who had written interesting books. I recommend this course of action, because she's interviewed some fascinating people. The first book I read as a direct result of watching her interviews was Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert, which I had picked up and put back down in bookstores I don't know how many times before that. It took seeing Gilbert being delightful in an interview to get me to read it, but at that point I was definitely in the right state of mind to read it. Apparently, despite not being particularly woo-woo oriented, I am in a state of willingness to try out acting as if some woo-woo thinking might work for me even if I don't thoroughly believe in it. Just putting on some woo-woo shoes to walk around in for a while and see if they take me somewhere good.

Which means I also found it useful to read The Fire Starter Sessions, by Danielle LaPorte. It's not ENTIRELY woo-woo, but it's, you know. Pretty spiritual, philosophically. At the same time, it's loaded with personality and good ways to figure oneself out in many areas of life, not just the spiritual side of it.

I CAN ALWAYS TAKE OFF THE WOO-WOO SHOES LATER.

I'm going to end this series of links with one to my new favorite human discovery, Brendon Burchard. He has a long playlist of short videos I've been tearing through. This guy has so much sparkle, it's like watching sentient glitter confetti tell you how to get your shit together. That's the kind of person I want to learn from!

I also have a huge new section of my list of things to read, and I suspect I'll tell you all about that as time goes by, but I've clarified my ambitions a lot already.

What I'm saying is that I've never written an entire novel before, and I still very much want to, and it's time. I don't know what other goals will go on the new list, but this goal is now written at the top. I even know generally which novel I want to start writing (some assembly will be required on the details). So that's my next-level big goal that I'll be working on when the kids are back in school.

The Friday Report for February 12, 2016

One of my images for this week...

You can see more on my Instagram page.

I'm going to have to make this week's report a quick jog through the highlights, because I'm starving AND I have to go drop off books at the library. So here we go!

My projects:

Writing: Last week, I decided that I wanted to have my current story pretty much finished by today--everything but the final polishing edit done. I did not reach that goal. I don't feel too bad about it because I'm about halfway there. I've worked on it every day this week, but it's a weird story and I keep getting new ideas for what to do with it, so that's a bad news/good news scenario.

I did find a couple of anthologies I want to write my next stories for, though. They're both due on May 1st: Ghosts on Drugs, and Survivor. 

Reading: Still the same books as last week, but I've also added two.

• Year's Best Fiction Volume Two, edited by Kathe Koja and Michael Kelly
• Fire Up Your Writing Brain, by Susan Reynolds

February's Other Project: I nailed the back onto my new desk. Next up: assembling and installing the drawers and keyboard tray. DESKS ARE COMPLICATED.

The Friday Report for February 5, 2016

One of my Instagram images for the week!

(I surrender to my need to make more than one per week.)

Hello! This Friday Report is here despite the fact that I had sick kids at home for three out of my five work days, including today. Nothing too serious, just some coughing. It's February. This is what happens in February.

I've even written a decent amount of fiction! I finished a very rough draft of my new story yesterday, at five thousand words. It's a good thing that I went back and checked the guidelines, because I had been thinking it could be six thousand words long, but it could not. Five thousand was, and is, the limit. Does this mean the story is done? Not even close, because when I say "very rough draft," I mean "nobody sees this version but me." But after today's work of starting to convert "rough" to "readable," I feel good about the first thousand words of the story, and I just have the remaining four thousand to turn into prose that I would want to submit.

I feel like it's time to start thinking about what kind of a story I'll write after this one, so that I'll have a project to work on after I finish this draft, while I'm waiting to do the final version. I like to do three drafts: 1) very rough; 2) pretty much finished; and 3) thoroughly polished. After a story is pretty much finished, I like to leave it alone for maybe a week so that I get some distance, and then I print it in a different font from what I used when I wrote it, and I read it out loud while walking around the house. That gives me a few different ways to notice things like repeated words, typos, and most importantly, the way the sentences sound. I mark the printout with any changes I want to make and then incorporate them, and make sure the final file is in Standard Manuscript Format, and then I send the story to its destination. 

So now I must figure out what to write next. I'm currently most interested in writing The Weird as a subgenre of speculative fiction, but that could include all sorts of things. I'm also going to look for themed anthology calls that will involve actual money being paid for stories, because that's been my route to publication every single time, so far.

My Projects:

Writing: I have two weeks to get this Weird West story to the thoroughly polished stage--because that's what I promised my writing buddy--so I'd like to have it pretty much finished by next Friday. And I want to have a new story idea forming by then, too.

Reading: 

• City of Stairs, by Robert Jackson Bennett. I'm re-reading this because I want to refresh my memory before I read his new book, City of Blades. I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU BUY AND READ BOTH.
• Undeniable, by Bill Nye

February's Other Project: Still my new office! This is taking a while! But I have the desk halfway assembled, which is more than I could say last week.