The Social Media Dilemma: Can We Not Have Nice Things?

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Like millions (billions?) of people, I'm on Facebook. I am also on Twitter, Instagram (which is now owned by Facebook), and Google+. I like being on the internet and using social media, in general, and I also use social media to share my creative work. I'm not over here just taking from social media; I'm giving it content that generates clicks on a near-daily basis, often many times a day, and that adds up to a lot of ad money for them and not a bit of ad money for me. They know I want to use their sites, however, so they seem to feel that they can take me for granted. The sad thing is that they may be right, for reasons I'll get into below.

I want places to post my thoughts and photos where interested people will see them. Let's be honest: I'm going to put a link to this post on all of the sites I mentioned above except Instagram, where I only post images of my artwork, which has been a neglected area of my output for the last several months (I can't do everything all the time! I do not like that about myself!). 

But Nayad, you ask. What exactly is your problem?

Let me tell you about my problem. My favorite social media site has been Facebook, ever since LiveJournal stopped being my favorite. I've been on Facebook, collecting connections with people I've met, for over ten years now. Over time, though, the changes there have made it less helpful for me. One of the main things that bothers me about it, especially in the last couple of years, is the manipulation of what people will be able to see. Some posts are suppressed to the point of practically disappearing, for a variety of reasons. If you don't interact with someone enough, you don't see their posts as often, and that makes it harder to interact with them, so eventually you might never see their posts at all. For a writer like me, with 2,581 Facebook "friends" (which covers everyone from family through friends through acquaintances through friends-of-friends I have never met in person), that means most of the connections I might hope to develop actually cannot be developed. People who might like to see my public posts probably won't. 

Yes, people can always go directly to my blog, or to my main Facebook page, and they might. I sometimes go to the main pages of people I want to keep up with. But I would prefer to have a social media feed that helps me to notice what's going on with people who interest me, but might not always be on the top of my mind. I want other people to be able to have the option of seeing my posts without the site adding a layer of its own "opinion" about which posts matter to which people. 

A little while earlier this morning, I was thinking about this and - I know this is weird - I posted on Facebook about the idea of shifting more of my social media efforts to Google+, which isn't perfect but works differently. Almost immediately, I got a comment from someone who told me that Google+ is going to be discontinued. I looked it up: real news. I got other comments with ideas like using Instagram instead, or joining Mastodon, which looks like a better version of Twitter, maybe? Except a bit confusing to join? And a longtime early-adopter acquaintance who consistently finds the good stuff suggested Micro.blog, but I haven't had the chance to check it out and see how it works. So my Facebook people do see my posts and comment on them, and they simultaneously have similar concerns about Facebook and want to find better options. They also know just as well as I do that it's really hard to get anyone to try a new type of social media these days, because we get pretty invested in the ones we're already on and don't have the time to check out other ones that none of our friends are on yet, anyway. LIKE I SAID: DILEMMA.

I guess I want a social media site which:

• allows different filters for sharing (public, family, friends, acquaintances, networking)
• allows posts to be any length you want
• doesn't steer the visibility of posts in any way on its own
• allows the user to choose settings to filter posts, if they want
• shows posts in the order in which they were posted!
• facilitates useful, threaded comments
• isn't riddled with ways for your info to be stolen or otherwise profited from
• is attractive, easy to sign up for, and fun to use
• routinely solicits and applies user feedback
• doesn't get into shady social experimentation
• cracks down on bots and fake news with vigor

You know? Something that contributes value to the world and manages to become profitable by not being obviously monofocused on profit?

Stop laughing at me.

How Being Social Helps Me as a Writer and Editor

Okay, first: TO BE A WRITER, ONE MUST WRITE.

To which I will add: TO IMPROVE AS A WRITER, ONE MUST LEARN AND PRACTICE.

However! There's a social element that has been helping to get my work published, and it's gotten me a job as an anthology editor, and I'm going to talk about that.

In a widely used and respected personality test (free to take here), I come out as an ENFJ (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging), which clearly affects the way that I work. I'm not even the biggest extravert in the world, especially not relative to the general pool of Americans, but relative to groups of mostly-introverted writers, I end up looking super-social. This explains the number of people I'm connected with on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. I just love 'em. Bring on the people!

This might seem a little frivolous, but consider what it's brought me:

I was invited to submit a story for an anthology, when I had never been published before, on the basis of a five-minute conversation that wasn't even about writing, because I introduced myself to an author on a convention panel and complimented the awesome title of his book, and gave him my card. He put me on an invitation list. I wrote and submitted a story, and it became my first published story.

I was asked to write a book review for a magazine, which was later published in that magazine, because I spent four hours working at a convention party (and I also received an awesome t-shirt for that).

I became a slush reader for Clarkesworld Magazine partially because of a recommendation from an editor I had met at a convention, and the slush reading experience improved me as a writer and also gave me the experience to become a short-story editor.

I have evaluated a novel manuscript for an agent I know in the UK, because of work that I did for him on a book he was writing when I met him, which was before he even became an agent.

I was asked to contribute an interview for Writers Workshop of Science Fiction and Fantasy during a ten-minute conversation at a convention, which led me to interview my favorite author, Tim Powers (who, by the way, I had already met at a convention).

I've been invited to submit stories for six other anthologies as a result of meeting editors and a publisher at conventions, and three of those were accepted for the books. One of the ones that wasn't accepted for its anthology went on to make me a semi-finalist in the Writers of the Future Contest. I would not have written any of these stories, or my first published one, without the guidelines given to me for the anthologies.

Knowing that publisher I met made it easy to apply knowledge gained from an editor I had met, and turn my anthology proposal into a real project. All of the authors who have submitted stories for What Fates Impose are people I've met, or I've interacted with online, or have been recommended to me by people I've met.

Okay? So in every case listed above, I actually did the work. I wrote the stories and the review, set up and conducted the interview, read the slush, and volunteered my time and effort to help people in a variety of ways. But none of those opportunities would have been there for me if I hadn't shown up at conventions, introduced myself to people, genuinely liked those people, and continued to pay attention to what they were doing online even when I couldn't see them in person. I was doing these things before anything of mine was published, and I'll continue to do them because I would definitely do the same things just for fun, even if I didn't expect to get anything else back from it at all. But the honest truth is that I have the start of a career because of being friendly and interested in people.

Coming soon: How I Learned to Be Social Despite Having Introverted Parents

How I Party with Social Media

I'm not a Major Player on any social network, or even kind of a big deal, but I'll tell you what. By having fun online, and making very little effort indeed, I've built up three nifty groups of social media comrades. This morning, I have 1,565 Facebook friends, 751 Twitter followers, and I've been encircled by 423 people on the new, but quickly growing, Google+. Here's what I do.

I treat the online world like an array of parties.

There are things I like to do when I go to a real-world party. First of all, I dress up. I think about what outfits I could wear for the occasion, and put on what will make me look and feel good: something that will make an impression when I walk in. When I go online, that's my profile picture. It seems to me that a fairly close-up facial picture is the best idea, since the icons on profiles and comments can turn out to be really small, especially on Twitter. That way, people can see what I look like and recognize that we've met before, if we have. If we haven't met in the real world, the picture is an introduction just as much as my entrance into a party full of unmet future friends would be. Profile information is included in my party outfit. I want people to be able to tell whether they'd like to get to know me or not, and letting them know what I do and what I like is part of that, especially if I can say it with some style.

I also like to think about what I have to say when I'm going to a party. It's good to tell people things about myself, but it's even more fun to be prepared with questions to ask them, and to pay attention and respond to the things that people tell me. Each social media site gives me different ways to interact.

On Twitter, it's all about being quick and witty. I have my public account, and anyone can read it. To avoid being boring, I like to bring some variety. I can make remarks about anything, from comments on what I'm doing to silly, repeating jokes (as anyone who has suffered through my #CAPSTUESDAY madness can tell you). Since I don't enjoy hearing about the fact that someone just drank a cup of coffee, or that they hate their job, I try to avoid broadcasting what I consider to be dull or complaining remarks (with exceptions, I'm sure). Instead, I'll mention funny things that happen, or bring up good books I've read, or ask questions, or post links or pictures. It's fine to talk about work, to a point, but interesting people have other topics to discuss, too. Also, I feel it's okay to be quiet and listen if I don't have anything to say. I pay attention to what my friends are saying and comment on that, and I'll retweet interesting things that come through from the people I'm following. I hardly ever ask for retweets, because I feel like that's the same as going up to the front of the room at a party, grabbing the microphone, and asking everyone in the room for a favor or some money. That's only to be used for the most important situations! However, I think that it's okay to make an announcement once in a while. Say, if a story of mine is coming out, or I've blogged. A quick, breezy little statement, and then I'm off the stage to mingle again.

Facebook is different, since the relationships have to be mutual. This is a party full of people who all, for one reason or another, wouldn't mind spending some time with me. By definition, they already know I exist before I arrive and start to talk. In my case, over several years of showing up there, it's become rather a large party, but because of the way Facebook works, I get steered toward a smaller room within the venue to interact with people who have shown the most interest in interacting with me. It's not really set up well for getting to know more people in the crowd. One nice thing about it, though, is that I'm given a section of wall where I can put up whatever decorations I like, and people can choose to look at them if they want, and leave me notes there. I post a lot of pictures in Facebook, and weird, wacky comments that amuse me. People joke around with me in their comments. It's a good time. I can post announcements there with the reasonable expectation that my friends will see them.

Google+ is still working itself out, so I'm not sure what kind of a party it is, but I love it. Like Twitter, people can follow anyone they like; it doesn't have to be mutual. Unlike Twitter, people can post things to specified groups only. So I can post a public thing for everyone to see, and post something else that only my friends and acquaintances can look at, and more personal stuff for just friends, all the way to sharing something with only one person. At the same time, there's no character limit for my posts, so I can go into depth with ideas if I want to, or keep it short. It has features I haven't even tried yet, like video-chat hangouts. I think the beauty of G+ is that you can make it into any kind of party you want it to be, large or small. Google seems to be way more responsive to user preferences than Facebook has ever been, too. I feel like it's easier to meet new people here than on Facebook, and it will likely become even more so as search directories get established. (In case my propaganda is too subtle (heh), I will say outright that I recommend joining G+!)

My most important guiding principle is to BE POLITE. To be NICE, whenever possible, but polite at minimum. As it is with real-world parties, so it is online: Nobody likes rude behavior at a party. Like the self-centered, desperate person who's only there to sell something, always turning the conversation back to work, work, work, and what you can do for him. Or the trash-talker, getting attention by saying bad things about people, spinning stories to the negative, and starting fights. Or the monomaniac, there to discuss ONE TOPIC ONLY, regardless of what anyone else is saying. It's rude face-to-face, and it's rude on a computer screen. People can talk about ideas without being rude and nasty. It happens all the time. I've seen it.

Social media, at its best, should not be work. It should be about enjoying people, making friends, and paying attention to what our friends are trying to do. It should be about having fun and being generous. Show up with a bottle of wine and some snacks to share, and magic will happen.