Tips for Giving Useful Story Critiques

It's currently fashionable to give brutal critiques for fiction. The idea is that for a writer to improve at writing, she must receive the most blunt, strongly-worded responses possible from the people who evaluate her work. This will toughen her up. If she can't take this type of criticism, she is told, she will never, ever make it as a writer.

I'm not so sure that we need to be this extreme about critiques. A critique is a detailed analysis and discussion of a literary work. I think that, too often, people are encouraged to shift from a critical analysis of a story's merits and faults to being critical, or "inclined to find fault or to judge with severity, often too readily."

We speak English. We have so many words to choose from. You can clearly express thoughts about a story's strengths and weaknesses without being brutal, and without being too soft and fuzzy. There's a middle ground. For the purposes of this post, I'll think in terms of critiquing a short story, but this stuff should all be applicable to novels, essays, and even poetry.

On to my tips!

Why Enjoying Solitude Helps Me Meet Conventions Full of People

A while back, Ferrett Steinmetz wrote a great blog post called Surviving Cons: A Guide for Socially Anxious Writers. I recommend that post for the many excellent tips it contains. There's another reason, though. In the post, Ferrett recommends me as an outgoing person who likes to introduce friends to each other at conventions. He's correct: that's what I do! But after six years of going to conventions, it's still funny to me that I am that person, because whenever I go to a convention my first step is to get psyched up for some alone time. My approach to being social ends up being different from Ferrett's, but I think that between the two of us there's an idea for just about anyone who wants to have a better time at these things and meet more people.

Part of the problem with social anxiety, I think, is the expectations that go with it: feeling like at any given event you need to act a certain way, impress people, and make a ton of friends immediately, or you will look like a loser. That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself in a situation, and pressure is a known reducer of fun. I'm a proponent of easing up on yourself and taking a slow, easy approach to making friends. Yes, conventions are for meeting people, but no, you don't have to meet all of them all at once. It takes practice to shift your attitudes and expectations, but in my experience, it's been worthwhile.

As I was saying the other day, I learned to have good relationships with people by learning to treat myself well and enjoy solitude. Because of that, when I go to a convention I get prepared to happily hang out by myself all weekend. I know that I can go to panels alone, browse for books and jewelry in the dealers' room alone, lounge alone in my room in the morning without having to rush off anywhere, sit in a restaurant and eat alone, and it will be nice. It will be a relaxing break from my normal life, and I will have a good time.

Because I feel this way, I can walk into a convention feeling comfortable even if I don't know anyone, and I end up meeting people easily because there's nothing terrible at stake. I don't need them to like me or spend time with me. I'm there to take in the event by myself, but I try to spend my time in public areas to give myself the chance to meet people if I want to. If someone says something interesting on a panel, at the end I'll go up to introduce myself and chat for a minute. I'll compliment the cool outfit someone's wearing. If one of the book dealers is feeling talkative, I'll hang out and have a conversation with them and anyone else who comes along when I'm standing there. No pressure, and we can all wander away in a minute. I'm happy to meet people—ask anybody, I love 'em!--but I don't feel like I have to be with people all the time.

But the magic sometimes happens when I see one of those people around again, and we end up having a drink in the bar. Or maybe we'll bump into each other at a party. A couple of joking remarks later, we're in a real conversation, and they introduce me to their friend who comes over. That leads to another friend, and another. Or not. I might move on and introduce myself to someone else, or decide that I'd rather go and read a book. Feeling relaxed, and intending to fulfill my own emotional needs, tends to put me into the right state of mind for enjoying the moment I'm in, rather than thinking about what I may be missing or what will come next. That helps me to pay attention, remember people's names, and think of questions to ask them so that the conversation flows freely.

Why does this work? It's a matter of managing expectations. By lowering my expectation of what others should provide for me, and raising my expectation of what I can provide for myself, I go to the event with the plan to make my own fun. Instead of looking for the solution of getting attention from other people, I'm free to be spontaneous and have attention to offer out. I don't have to worry about getting something wrong; I can just be, and see what happens.

When a conversation develops, it helps to watch the other person's cues: to listen for hints about what they'd like to talk about, or detect visible signs of whether they want to keep talking or move on. Being responsive to what the other person wants is the nicest thing you can do. In my experience, people act like they appreciate that at some level, even if they never articulate it. I'm not saying to ignore your own preferences, but it's helpful to be willing to make the conversation more fun for the person who's in it with you. It's easier to have that attitude if you're not feeling needy.

After six years of attending science fiction and fantasy conventions, along with keeping in touch with people I meet online, I don't know if I could find a convention where I wouldn't know someone anymore, not that I'm looking for such a thing! Part of the fun of going is being able to see friends and acquaintances, and part of it is being able to introduce them to each other. But I still like to know I won't be disappointed if I'm on my own.

How To Say No When You Need To

Making decisions is hard. Disappointing people is no fun. But it's impossible to do everything, so sometimes I need to say no to people who ask me to do things. Here's why it's important to do that, and how to make it easier.

I'm writing this post because a few months ago, I sent out invitations for people to submit stories to my forthcoming anthology, What Fates Impose. I got three types of answer: yes, no, and "no response." Those non-responses left me feeling a bit freaked out, with many unanswered questions on my mind about why I didn't hear back. I'm not here to try to make anyone feel bad about not responding. In some cases, they may not have received my email, or other things I didn't know about may have been going on. However, some of them may have felt uncomfortable with directly saying no, as many people are, or they may have believed that it didn't matter.

Here's why it matters. We all have the same amount of time: not enough. I understand if you don't have time to work on a new project. I often have the same problem. That's why I'd rather get a quick, polite negative answer than wait around for an answer that never comes. I just want to know where I stand with you, so I can proceed. Here are two easy notes you can send to tell me no ANYTIME YOU WANT:

*

1. If you don't want to work on THIS project, but you might want to work with me in the future:

Dear Nayad,

Thank you for inviting me to submit a story. Unfortunately, I can't commit to this, but please think of me for other projects in the future.

Sincerely,

You

*

2. If you don't feel convinced you want to work with me at all:

Dear Nayad,

Thank you for inviting me to submit a story. Unfortunately, I can't commit to this, but I hope the project goes well for you.

Sincerely,

You

*

(You don't have to wish me well on the project if you REALLY don't want to work with me, but it's a nice touch. SOCIAL SKILLS, Y'ALL.)

These basic templates are easy to customize. If you know the person, include a little personal note. Ask about their cat. Sign off with "Best" or "Take Care" or, if you're really close, "Hugs." If you really would have said yes, but there were unavoidable obstacles, mention that. Ultimately, though, it is way better for your business and personal relationships if you say SOMETHING rather than NOTHING.

How I Learned to Be Social Despite Having Introverted Parents

The other day I wrote about How Being Social Helps Me as a Writer and an Editor, and now here's my post about how I learned how to do that.

My parents are both very nice people, and they are thoroughly introverted. Their home is their restful place away from other people. They don't get the notion to invite friends over. It's just not their thing, and that's okay.

Anyone looking at me when I was a child, if they were inclined to think about introverts and extraverts, would surely have thought I'd turn out to be an introvert. I was shy and quiet. I liked to read. I played by myself, and didn't really understand other kids. I didn't smile much, and when I did it was with my lips closed. I was SERIOUS.

Anyone who saw me then and saw me now, with a gap in between, would think that the child they'd seen had been replaced by someone else. Anyone who knows me now would be SHOCKED at the quiet mini-me, if they could see her. I'm just so different. So what happened?

We moved from a small town to the suburb of a big city just a couple of weeks after I turned twelve, when I was in the middle of sixth grade. The move was a big change, and I was suddenly around a whole new set of kids who had no expectations about what I was like. I didn't transform all at once, but I was trying new things simply by having to meet new people and make new friends if I wanted any, and then over the next few years I was increasingly interested in boys, too. I had the inclination to be extraverted, but it took me a while to develop some of my social skills because I needed to be around more people to learn them. It worked well for me to learn the ways of introverts when I was younger, fitting in with my family, but as a teenager I found that I wanted to expand outward and understand how to interact with people better.

Then I went too far with that and became clingy and needy, which made people push me away. That was upsetting, so I turned to self-help books.

The best one, strangely, was called Intimate Connections, by David D. Burns, M.D. I say "strangely" because the premise of this book is that in order to develop good friendships and find love, you need to learn how to really enjoy being alone. How to treat yourself as well as someone you would date. So I was learning how to be social by learning how to be alone. It's odd that a person growing up with introverted parents would need to learn that being alone is good, given examples of people who craved alone time, but I did. This was a life-changing book for me at a time when I really needed it.

What I learned was that there's a reason for this phenomenon most people know about: when you're single and looking for someone to date, or you're lonely and looking for friends, it's often hard to find them because you have a needy vibe. People sense that you want them to fix your life, and this is off-putting. When you stop looking and start to enjoy being single and don't even want to date, instantly you meet people who want to date you. It's because you're happy with your life, and happiness is attractive. Therefore, depending on a relationship to make you happy, or friends to make you happy, will limit your ability to have relationships and friendships. It's important to find your own happiness. The trick is to like yourself.

Everything I've learned about being social since then has been layered on top of that principle. It's not about being selfish or putting myself first; it's about treating myself well, and maintaining my own stability so that I can give affection to others, and listen, and be helpful whenever possible. This means knowing my own limits so that I can say "no" when I need to. I can't help everyone all the time. I have to do my own stuff. But if I have some time and there's something I can give freely and without resentment, I give it.

Coming soon: Why Enjoying Solitude Helps Me Meet Conventions Full of People

Also coming soon: How to Say No When You Need To

Five Books for Leveling Up in Writing and Life

There are hundreds of beginner-level writing books available for someone just starting out, but it's harder to find books that help with ongoing improvement after that stage. I have a few recommendations. The nifty thing is that these books all have a lot to offer for developing general creativity. Anyone from beginner through advanced in writing could get something out of reading these. They contain useful stuff for the rest of life as well, in my opinion.

The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle. This is the most generally applicable book on my little list, because it's about the kinds of practice that lead to mastery, and what's happening in the brain as that mastery is growing. It covers deep practice, ignition, and master coaching, each of which are important in reaching high levels of success in creative work and sports, especially. My favorite thing about this book is that it gave me ideas about how learning to be an excellent writer is more like high achievement in soccer than it's like mastering the violin, because the former relies on learning to flexibly access a wide range of options, while the latter is about perfecting the one correct way to play any given note. Anyone interested in developing any kind of talent should read this!

Around the Writer's Block: Using Brain Science to Solve Writer's Resistance, by Rosanne Bane. THIS BOOK IS SO GREAT. I've increased my productivity so much since I started to follow the practices suggested in this one. The great thing is that, although it's a book specifically about writing, the information is EASILY transferable to pretty much any area of life. It's about recognizing the ways in which stress prevents creative thinking, and how to establish easy, helpful habits that will prevent the stress response from taking over and blocking you from doing what you want to do. The book explains how to establish methods of process, product, and self-care to keep yourself in the right state of mind for creative thinking. This gets my highest recommendation.

Making a Good Writer Great: A Creativity Workbook for Screenwriters, by Linda Seger. Okay, I know the title says it's for screenwriters, but really it's for everyone. Who doesn't need more creativity? This book includes chapters like "Pushing Your Mind to Another Creative Level," "Exploring Your Themes and Ideas," and "Mining the Riches from Your Dreams," as well as chapters more specifically dedicated to improving writing skills. The examples are about screenwriting, but any writer can benefit from them. I like to read books about screenwriting to learn from a different angle. They tend to give me a better appreciation of movies, too.

Wired for Story: The Writer's Guide to Using Brain Science to Hook Readers from the Very First Sentence, by Lisa Cron. Why do people enjoy stories? Our brains get interested in stories for specific, explicable reasons which are covered here. Learning what makes people curious, and what holds their attention, is useful for writing fiction. It's also crucial for giving good presentations, getting along with others, and being an interesting person. In a time when social interactions online and in person are more important than ever before, as people become increasingly adept and sophisticated in the social realm, this is valuable information.

2k to 10k: How to write faster, write better, and write more of what you love, by Rachel Aaron, has a really self-explanatory title. All right, this one is strictly about writing. It's especially good for planning and outlining novels, so that you know what you intend to write on any given day. That helps with getting started and allowing the words to flow faster.

I am always looking for good books to read, so I hope you'll comment with your own recommendations!

*

Disclosure of Material Connection: None! I have not gotten and will not get any financial compensation for mentioning these books. I don't do affiliate links.

How Being Social Helps Me as a Writer and Editor

Okay, first: TO BE A WRITER, ONE MUST WRITE.

To which I will add: TO IMPROVE AS A WRITER, ONE MUST LEARN AND PRACTICE.

However! There's a social element that has been helping to get my work published, and it's gotten me a job as an anthology editor, and I'm going to talk about that.

In a widely used and respected personality test (free to take here), I come out as an ENFJ (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging), which clearly affects the way that I work. I'm not even the biggest extravert in the world, especially not relative to the general pool of Americans, but relative to groups of mostly-introverted writers, I end up looking super-social. This explains the number of people I'm connected with on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. I just love 'em. Bring on the people!

This might seem a little frivolous, but consider what it's brought me:

I was invited to submit a story for an anthology, when I had never been published before, on the basis of a five-minute conversation that wasn't even about writing, because I introduced myself to an author on a convention panel and complimented the awesome title of his book, and gave him my card. He put me on an invitation list. I wrote and submitted a story, and it became my first published story.

I was asked to write a book review for a magazine, which was later published in that magazine, because I spent four hours working at a convention party (and I also received an awesome t-shirt for that).

I became a slush reader for Clarkesworld Magazine partially because of a recommendation from an editor I had met at a convention, and the slush reading experience improved me as a writer and also gave me the experience to become a short-story editor.

I have evaluated a novel manuscript for an agent I know in the UK, because of work that I did for him on a book he was writing when I met him, which was before he even became an agent.

I was asked to contribute an interview for Writers Workshop of Science Fiction and Fantasy during a ten-minute conversation at a convention, which led me to interview my favorite author, Tim Powers (who, by the way, I had already met at a convention).

I've been invited to submit stories for six other anthologies as a result of meeting editors and a publisher at conventions, and three of those were accepted for the books. One of the ones that wasn't accepted for its anthology went on to make me a semi-finalist in the Writers of the Future Contest. I would not have written any of these stories, or my first published one, without the guidelines given to me for the anthologies.

Knowing that publisher I met made it easy to apply knowledge gained from an editor I had met, and turn my anthology proposal into a real project. All of the authors who have submitted stories for What Fates Impose are people I've met, or I've interacted with online, or have been recommended to me by people I've met.

Okay? So in every case listed above, I actually did the work. I wrote the stories and the review, set up and conducted the interview, read the slush, and volunteered my time and effort to help people in a variety of ways. But none of those opportunities would have been there for me if I hadn't shown up at conventions, introduced myself to people, genuinely liked those people, and continued to pay attention to what they were doing online even when I couldn't see them in person. I was doing these things before anything of mine was published, and I'll continue to do them because I would definitely do the same things just for fun, even if I didn't expect to get anything else back from it at all. But the honest truth is that I have the start of a career because of being friendly and interested in people.

Coming soon: How I Learned to Be Social Despite Having Introverted Parents