Whoo, It's Been a Time

 Hey there. Hi. Long time no post. I get it! I apologize.

Anyway, I'm alive. When the pandemic started in March of 2020, I became very cautious and probably at least a little bit depressed, and all of my writing suffered. I watched a lot of shows and got deeply absorbed in playing a few video games. One high point of 2020 was receiving a hardcover, illustrated author copy of an anthology with one of my stories: "The Circus Reborn," in Midnight Under the Big Top. It was edited by Brian James Freeman and released by Cemetery Dance, and it contains stories by a lot of really excellent, well-known authors (like Stephen King and Neil Gaiman, for just two examples). I would have promoted it way more, but the book was a fancy limited edition that sold out within twenty-four hours! Never has a peak publishing experience felt more exciting and more painful at the same time. I really wish there were a larger release of a paperback version to tell you about. If there ever is, I will.

I'm a mask-wearing, vaccinated avoider of crowds at this point, due to variants of the virus going around. A couple of months after getting my second dose of the vaccine in April of 2021, I did go on a road trip with my now live-in fella, but then the case numbers started to rise radically and we started to stay in a lot more, to be careful.

I've started to write fiction again, and I'm actually enjoying it. No new publications to report, but I thought I'd post a wee update to reveal that I'm still here, doing the thing. I hope you're also alive and well. Maybe I'll even get back into the habit of writing new posts on a semi-regular basis.

Two Sonnets

(Sunset over Lake Mendota)

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To get myself back into blogging, I've decided to let you know that I sometimes write sonnets! Here are two of them - one new, one old. Enjoy? I hope you will.

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Into the World

We did not meet while I was in the maze,
Believing that I wasn’t lost at all,
Yet winding ever deeper through my days,
To inward darkness, ever more in thrall.

We could not meet while I, with covered eyes
Kept to my house, to pathways known and clear,
And blinded to the world’s exquisite size,
Knew only of the small and of the near.

We would not meet till I was forced to wake
Into a time so startling and so bright
That first it burned, and then for healing’s sake
I went outside to learn to love the light.

Now through the glowing world I travel, keen
To see each face and vista, and be seen.

- August 4, 2019

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My Tribe

I walk through normal life, an oddity,
My colors bright, my mind never at rest,
And never meet the likes of one like me,
Beset by words, by haunting image blessed.

I sleep through dreams of spaces where alone
I search for signals sent from my own kind,
Or listen for the light enchanting tone
Of longed-for voices merrily combined.

But when I gladly meet my tribe anew,
And read from flashing eyes acceptance dear,
I join the ones I love, the charming few,
To laugh, to understand, to gather near.

Our colors blend in vibrant harmony;
Combine in patterns no one else can see.

- November, 2007

I'm DOING the THING. Here's What It Is and Why I Took so Long to Do It.

("A Colorful Cat #2," by Nayad Monroe, in the extra-fancy embellished version.)

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For years, I've been vaguely saying that I should post my art online somewhere, to make it available for people to buy. I've sold my art before - to complete strangers, even! That was back when I painted in acrylic, on canvases. I had several coffee shop and restaurant-level shows, where people bought paintings every time. Then I had babies, and felt a combination of less time and interest in painting, and worries about having paints with not-so-healthy pigments around where toddlers might get the notion to eat them. I also had the ambition to write fiction and get it published, and I did THAT thing repeatedly for a decade. I expect to continue writing short stories once in a while, but it won't be my main thing. I like it, sometimes a lot, but I don't get absorbed in it the way I do with art-making. 

My problem with art was that I couldn't decide on how to approach it. Return to painting? Draw on paper? Make upcycled garden ornaments from thrift-store materials? Learn how to do tile mosaics? (I still want to learn how to do tile mosaics.) Make digital art? AHA. Yes. Digital art! And I made bunches of abstract digital art a few years ago. If you scroll down a bit on my Instagram page, you can see it. But I also got involved in editing my anthologies, What Fates Impose and Not Our Kind, back around then, and I was still writing fiction.

Then I went through a big ol' creative slump for a long time, after a certain election here in the United States. You know the one. I dragged some fiction out of myself, but only a tiny bit. The thing that turned me around was participating in the Inktober challenge in October of 2017. I drew my daily ink drawing every single day of that month, and I posted each drawing online. They were in a new medium for me, alcohol marker, and I enjoyed the process. A few people commented that they'd be interested in buying some of the drawings (which were mostly creepy, Halloween-inspired images). Since they were small drawings in a casual sketchbook, I decided I should do some digital work on them and offer them as prints somehow. 

BUT HOW??? That was the final problem. I wanted to find a way to not have to produce, package, and ship things out myself. I'm willing to do that on a limited basis for friends, but I didn't want that to be a big feature of my life. So I glanced at a bunch of print-on-demand sites, and decided that I would start with just one for now: Zazzle. Since I was working on it, I started to look at other artwork of mine that I could post, and I ended up making two Zazzle shops for the very different styles of art I was posting.

As it turns out, the brightly-colored, whimsical art like the cat above is now my main focus, in my shop called "by Nayad Monroe," and I've been drawing lots of new images for it! Every time I draw one thing, I get ideas for approximately seven new things to draw, so my to-draw list is huge. The smaller selection of Inktober art is in "Nightmares by Nayad." I still like those drawings, and I may do another round of Inktober this year to add to them.

The way Zazzle works is that you can make shops for free, and you have the option to add images and text to a staggering array of product types. You can actually design a product just for yourself and buy it, but you can also offer it for sale to other people. Then, if someone else buys it, you get a royalty. It's a well-established site where you can reach people worldwide, but it also takes work to get your stuff noticed among all the other stuff. I've been reading advice and watching tutorial videos, and I think I'm making progress, but I know there's more I can (and will) do. For whatever reason, I find this type of effort more appealing than having to fulfill orders myself. Things I post now can stay on the site and have the potential to sell for as long as the site exists. I want to expand to other sites, too, but I want to get a good start on this one first.

So what I'm going to do now, since I'm here, is post links to some items I've designed, since that's recommended by Zazzle as a way to make my shop more visible. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. I promise this blog is not about to go all selly-sell 24/7. These WILL be affiliate links, fyi. Thanks for reading this far! 

Embellished Hopped-Up Hare #1 Illustration Metal Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

A Colorful Cat #3 Illustration with Swirly Lines Canvas Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

No Ordinary Owl #2, by Nayad Monroe Acrylic Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

The Dragonfly Key, by Nayad Monroe Acrylic Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

The Reach of Light, by Nayad Monroe Acrylic Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

Be Your Own Kind of Flower, by Nayad Monroe Acrylic Print
by By_Nayad_Monroe

Hopped-Up Hare #3 Notebook
by By_Nayad_Monroe

A Colorful Cat #3 Notebook
by By_Nayad_Monroe

The Dragonfly Key, by Nayad Monroe Notebook
by By_Nayad_Monroe

The Reach of Light, by Nayad Monroe Notebook
by By_Nayad_Monroe

Be Your Own Kind of Flower Notebook
by By_Nayad_Monroe

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Note: This post contains affiliate links to products that will earn me royalty money if you buy them. I hope you will, because I worked hard on them! But no pressure. :)

Chosen Names Can Get Weird

Given the known and absolutely true fact that the name "Nayad" has been at the top of the baby-naming charts for several decades, it may come as a surprise to you that it's not actually the name I was given by my parents when I was born. Take a minute to sit with your shock and surprise. It's okay. It will all be okay.

They gave me a name inspired by their earnest hopes for me. They meant well. They picked something that they thought would go well with a title, in case I wanted to be a doctor or a reverend or a president. I appreciate that. It's a classic name that was pretty popular at the time, to the point that there were two of us with it in our kindergarten class and the teacher used our last initials to differentiate us. I was "Timeless Classic M" and the other kidlet was "Timeless Classic F."

It's just that the name didn't turn out to match ME. To my mind, it's a boring name. I'm not going to mention what it actually is in this post, for lots of reasons, one of which is that I'm sure there are plenty of completely fascinating, non-boring people with the same name. In fact, I can even think of an example.

I don't want to be a jerk about it, but I chose to go by a different name because it suits me better. That should be enough, but if you need a more practical justification for it, last I checked there was also a professional writer out there with my old name, so now I'm all differentiated. I'm way more searchable this way. And I like the way my "new" (since the 1990s) name sounds, looks, and what it represents. The transition from one name to another came on organically, over time, mostly because it started as my screen name in the early days of widespread internet usage. I never sat down with each person I knew and explained that I'm going by this name now, and I'd prefer that they used it. Some people just took to calling me Nayad and that was that. Others, people I like very much and don't want to upset, were posting on my Facebook page with my old name as of yesterday. The page says "Nayad A. Monroe." You don't even have to include my name when you post or comment there. It's a given that you're talking to me. So it seems kind of pointed for someone to add my old name when posting on that page, as if they're talking to the "real" me they knew before I started parading around with this inauthentic new name.

But which name is more authentic? The one my parents picked before they even knew me, or the one I chose as an adult?

Maybe people aren't trying to comment on my name's authenticity. Maybe they just haven't thought about it. There's something in me that holds me back from contacting each person, each time, to explain my preference, and probably that's a conflict-avoidance thing that I should work on, and how can I expect everyone to just know what I want? It's not fair to expect that. On the other hand, after I started to present myself as Nayad, the vast majority of people I knew just got it and went with it.

This is why I go with whatever name and pronouns my friends want to use, the minute I'm aware they want to use them, even if it's hard at first. I really appreciate being called by the right name. I want to give that to anyone else who needs it.

Happy My Birthday to You! My Character Profile

If you don't want to know anything about me, Do Not Read This Post.

I haven't been writing about writing much, lately, but I still write fiction. I just don't always want to write ABOUT writing fiction. But one of the things that can be helpful with writing fiction, sometimes, is to create Character Profiles, so for my birthday post I'm going to offer up a character profile of myself. I'll try to be as objective as possible? We'll see how that goes.

I'm using the format from How to Create a Character Profile. There are bunches of different formats to be found online, but this one was at the top when I did my search.

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Basic Statistics

Name: Nayad Monroe
Age: 45 as of today!
Nationality: American, with ancestry mostly from Scotland and Scandinavia
Socioeconomic Level as a child: Never went hungry, always had utilities on, wore lots of hand-me-downs, had pets, took ballet and piano classes, family had one car. We lived in, but did not own, houses. My impression was that money was tight, and credit was used, but boy did we ever not talk about the details of money.
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: More comfortable than my childhood. I own my house (no mortgage), and I'm not in debt.
Hometown: I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana, and I lived in a lot of other places, so it's hard for me to pinpoint a "hometown." Early childhood was in Indiana, middle childhood was in Ontario, teen years were in Illinois--the southwest suburbs of Chicago.
Current Residence: Near Madison, Wisconsin
Occupation: Writer
Talents/Skills: writing, drawing, painting, singing
Birth order: First!
Siblings (describe relationship): I have one brother who is six years younger than me, and he is great. We get along very well.
Spouse (describe relationship): Amicably separated.
Children (describe relationship): I have three sons, who are currently 15, 13, and 10. They're all very smart, geeky guys who like video games and science fiction, and aside from some typical sibling bickering and homework avoidance they hardly give me any trouble. 10/10, definitely worth spending 27 months of my life to create.
Grandparents (describe relationship): None of them are alive.
Grandchildren (describe relationship): I don't have any.
Significant Others (describe relationship): One boyfriend, who is lovely! And humble. He's going to hate reading this. :)
Relationship skills: This is a hard one to be objective about, so I'm going to skip it.


Physical Characteristics: 

Height: 5'4"
Weight: 148 lbs.
Race: White
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Started off medium brown, but is being invaded by increasing hordes of silver strands, but I sometimes dye it unnatural colors like purple or burgundy.
Glasses or contact lenses? I wear glasses at home, and contacts when I go out.
Skin color: Pinky-beigey
Shape of Face: Squarish oval
Distinguishing features: Large eyes, full lips, two tattoos
How does he/she dress? Goth-tinted casual, most of the time, with some jewel tones thrown in
Mannerisms: Lamentable knuckle-cracking
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) No smoking, but I do like drinks. Not daily, though.
Health: Pretty good! (knocks all the wood everywhere)
Hobbies: Currently, knitting a lot (as I mentioned yesterday), but also making digital images with my phone, and I've just started occasionally messing around with making electronic songs out of loops using Studio One Prime (which is free, btw!)
Favorite Sayings: "Awesome!" delivered sometimes in earnest, sometimes with sarcasm.
Speech patterns: Child-of-the-80s use of the word "like" all over the place within my sentences
Disabilities: None
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Casual-ish, with occasional bouts of playing dress-up
Greatest flaw: Distractability
Best quality: Caring about other people's feelings


Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes 

Educational Background: Some college
Intelligence Level: High
Any Mental Illnesses? No, but I took antidepressants for about 6 months in 2007/8.
Learning Experiences: Everything, every day.
Character's short-term goals in life: Write the first draft of a whole novel by the end of May, 2017
Character's long-term goals in life: Stay alive and well and mentally functional until at least the age of 100, and keep on learning new things for the whole time
How does Character see himself/herself? Amusing underachiever, never bored, good at learning how to do new things, bad at perseverance, consistently adequate mom with moments of being a really good mom.
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Well, people always seem happy to see me when I show up at a convention, and I've been told that I'm funny and smart, and I think (I really hope) I'm regarded as trustworthy and a good listener. Um, maybe now I'm also perceived as having low self-esteem. I don't know! I don't want this post to come across like a humble-brag, for fuck's sake.
How self-confident is the character? As we've seen in recent answers, a bit of a mix. But I don't get anxious about throwing myself into a room full of people and conversing with whoever I happen to meet. I feel like people usually like me.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? A combination, but with more emotion than logic.
What would most embarrass this character? Making a big mistake in front of lots of people I respect.


Emotional Characteristics


Strengths/Weaknesses: Strengths: independent, empathetic, supportive. Weaknesses: impatient, easily overwhelmed when making decisions
Introvert or Extrovert? Ambivert! I love spending time alone, but I also love going to conventions where I talk to people all weekend. I don't seek out company much when I'm at home because there's so much that I want to do that I enjoy doing by myself, but when I go out to be with people I thoroughly enjoy it and feel energized by it.
How does the character deal with anger? I try to stifle it AT FIRST, because I want to think my reactions through and then talk about the way I feel after I calm down and decide whether or not I'm being reasonable. But I also try to communicate about it after that.
With sadness? Sobbing it out, usually off by myself.
With conflict? I try to neither avoid it nor seek it out. I grew up in a very conflict-avoidant family, and I think we overdid the avoidance.
With change? I'm pretty comfortable with change, and I get bored if nothing changes.
With loss? See "sadness."
What does the character want out of life? Creativity, interesting friends, knowledge, mental challenges, love, art, music, a comfortable place to live (I have all of these things at this time)
What would the character like to change in his/her life?  I'd like to be more productive, and to participate in progressive politics in a more useful way, and to share more of what I make, do, and think with other people (thus the recent uptick in blogging)
What motivates this character? Boredom avoidance and the need to love, nurture, and create.
What frightens this character? Aggression, violence, cruelty, rejection, loss of loved ones, heights, cockroaches
What makes this character happy? Fun times with good conversationalists, humor, the moment when I finish writing a story and feel that it's right, reading a speculative novel or story with really satisfying weirdness in it, drawing a picture that turns out well, my loved ones being happy, spending time in a beautiful city with delicious food and sights, singing along with my favorite songs, listening to electronic music that makes me move with it, taking a walk in lovely weather (especially the first days when it's warming up in spring), holiday lights, and so many other things!
Is the character judgmental of others? Sometimes, but I try not to be
Is the character generous or stingy? I love being generous when I can.
Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite, except when it's impossible.


Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? No.
What are the character's spiritual beliefs? Secular Buddhism, pretty much. No reincarnation.
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Not huge, but there are some challenging aspects of being an atheist in a mostly-Christian country and extended family. I'm the inexplicable rebel who doesn't get it about religion, in my family, so that can get weird.

A New Steampunk Story from Me, WITH GHOSTS

My next short story publication will be "Tipping Point," in a new anthology from Broken Eye Books called Ghost in the Cogs. Coming soon! Here's a description of the book, from their website:

Ghosts. Gaslight. Gears.

In the wondrous age of steam, pirates, rust, and syphilis aren’t all you need to worry about. Ghosts abound!

In this hissing and clanking steampunk world, there are moments that science just can’t explain. All the mechanical geniuses scratch their heads and whisper words of ghosts and powers, of spirits and demons. Possessed automatons take on lives of their own. Superstitious pilots take all necessary precautions. Avant-garde machinists harness the spirits to power their creations. Revenge-minded ghosts stalk haunted gasworks. This is a mechanized playground for the souls of the dead.

I'm really excited about this anthology! Want to know who else has stories in it? Click here for the official announcement! 

Two Books I'm In Will Soon Go Out of Print!

I got a letter this week that told me the company which published a couple of my stories will be dropping most of its books. It's a struggle to run a small press, and often the profits don't even come close to matching the level of work involved, so the decision is understandable. But in case you're interested in grabbing some books that may be rare collector's items one day (I CERTAINLY HOPE), I'll post the links below. The books will be discontinued as of January 31, 2014, so order before then because it's your last chance! I will get a tiny cut of any sales that transpire, but more importantly, I hope to get more copies out into the world because soon they'll be gone forever...

Space Grunts: Full-Throttle Space Tales #3 is a military science fiction anthology edited by Dayton Ward. It contains my short story of a militant theocracy gone terribly wrong, "An Assessment of the Incident at Camp Righteous." The story is set in a prison camp for native aliens on a planet that's been conquered by humans.

Space Tramps: Full-Throttle Space Tales #5 is a science fiction anthology about vagabonds in space, edited by Jennifer Brozek. It includes my novelette, "Running in Wonderland," which is about a mentally ill refugee who must navigate through the criminal parts of a huge space station as part of her quest to find a home on a frontier planet.

In other news, I AM MOVING. I've lived in my current house for over twelve years, which is the longest time I've ever lived in the same place, and I've accumulated ABSOLUTELY TOO MUCH STUFF. Sorting through it and getting rid of the excess has been taking up lots of my time, but that's a good idea in itself AND the new house is in a much more convenient location, so the effort is worthwhile. The official move will be in early January.

I hope you'll enjoy any holidays you celebrate, and also all of the other days coming up!

Multicolor! Victory! Mohawk!

AS PROMISED! The success of the What Fates Impose fundraising campaign brings:

 

WOOHOO!!!

Victory Mohawk Progress Report

WHAT FATES IMPOSE is fully funded! There's still time to get in on the pre-orders and rewards through 8pm on Sunday, July 14th, but right now I'm working on something I told you I would do.

As promised, I am on the path to posting Multicolor Victory Mohawk pictures of myself on the internet! To let you know that I'm serious, here's a photo of my hair at the bleached-out stage. :)

What's next, you ask? How about some blue, turquoise, and green? I have to write a big chunk of my next short story before I get to start putting on the colors, but the colors and the photos will be along within a few days at most.